os-eclipses-tamen-son-yuri:
I think it took me so long to come to terms with my gender identity because every time I thought about transness/genderqueerness in any way my mind always added an unnecesary sense of finality like. If I imagined living as my opposed agab, deep down I would be filled with an unsettling sense of dread that made me reach the wrong conclusion that I was cis.
In reality that fear was only there because the thought of stagnation, of being one single thing, terrified me.
Thinking I was cis did not take away the tingling sensation that yearned for something more. It’s just that I was used to living like that and thus it was easier to pretend it wasn’t there.
The liberation I felt when it finally clicked that there REALLY are no rules; that people will assume things anyways as long as it aligns with their internal narrative and that I just…could be… was like taking a huge weight off my shoulders that I didn’t even know I was carrying.